Category: General Musings

Guess who didn’t enjoy his National Service. A letter to The Australian

DEFENCE Minister Joel Fitzgibbon is talking through his backside when he states Gen Y recruits find “even a month-long commitment is an eternity to an Australian teenager’’, as I can well assure him my two years’ national service in the 1960s felt like 20. I think it might have had something to do with the brain-dead company of regular soldiers whose idea of great literature was a comic; they were generally hopeless people who would need to have been taught how to breathe in civvy life, and were, in the main, hopeless losers and drunkards. The same goes for the commissioned ranks. David William Hall Southport, Qld

Comic reader, loser and drunkard….hmm, at least I’ve been noticed. David, if you’re in Brisbane on Apr 25 why not drop in to the Pig and Whistle at Eagle Street and I’ll arrange for you to have the floor as you explain to the 7RAR and SASR Associations your theories on dumb regular soldiers.

A SOUTH Australian woman has given birth to her father’s son after the couple had sex.

John and Jenny Deaves reunited 30 years after Mr Deaves separated from Jenny’s mother. Jenny was 31 and, just two weeks after meeting, father and daughter had sex.

I looked for the word ‘incest’ in the article but couldn’t find it and then I noted:

A South Australian police media spokesman said: “The couple is being monitored.”

Somewhere along the line I obviously had a bad day and failed to notice incest was made legal. What’s going on?

The saga of my old Golden Retriever continues as she fights the Vet’s needle. Last week the vet said she had a neurological bleed or tumor and to give her these tablets. If she survives three days all OK, if not I’ll have to put her to sleep…..that will be $88.00 thank you. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday she sat and made all the noises of a dying dog. panting, incontinent and generally stressing everyone out. Friday night I saw no hope and resolved to visit the executioner on Saturday morning. Saturday morning, while I was reading the Australian and procrastinating about the vet visit she leapt to her feet,well struggled actually, and tried to walk to the bathroom (the grass out the back). Later that day and on Sunday, as kids and neighbours came to say good bye she got up and greeted each and everyone. Sunday she ate and walked to the water bowl and today she is out the back checking out lizards and making sure no cats got in while she was indisposed. She’s not a hundred percent yet but no way can I let the Vet needle her. She has won a reprieve and I hope we can now fatten her up(didn’t eat for five days) and enjoy her company for another month or two or even a year….or two Hope springs eternal in the human breast.

Went for an angiogram last Wednesday. The Doctor had trouble finding the femerol artery and pushed into an non-anesthetized area….arched back..nausea…lowering blood pressure…male equivalent of screaming..followed by appropriate but rude words to Doctor. The Doctor found the spot and then disappeared leaving the nurses and female radiographer to apologise and calm me down. Was dispatched home in a yellow cab – the driver and the shockies were about the same age. Got home and sulked. Three days later blood had tracked to my manhood and everything was black which is not a good look for a white anglo chap. Went to emergency on Easter Sunday to be told lots of words which summarized as go home and stop acting like a girl. The pain will go in two weeks and the bruising in four. Sitting out the back by the pool (still sulking) and Holly, my faithful golden retriever of 15 years walks towards me, drops her head into a tilt and walks into the ground. The vet says neurological bleed or tumor, give her these tablets. If she survives three days all OK, if not I’ll have to put her to sleep…..that will be $88.00 thank you. Wake at 4.00 am (damn! they are sore) make a coffee and sit outside talking and stroking old retriever. Reminded her of how she helped us bring up five kids. Reminded her how she used to walk the kids to the bus and one day said bus ran over her. She limped home like a mongrel dog and licked herself better. Next week she resumed escort duties and never got caught again. She always was a timid soul. When she was about five she actually barked at a possum and the whole family went out and congratulated her. She’s a gentle soul and loved by everyone she meets and she will be sorely missed. Dogs guarding house. Holly is on the left Told her that Kevin Rudd was considering setting up a committee to look into aging retrievers and their problems. As sick as she is she managed to roll her eyes. Take it easy old girl and go well.

FEDERAL MPs are in disagreement over the extent of binge drinking. Well they would be wouldn’t they? Everybody has a different opinion on drinking from wowsers to alcoholics so by definition there will be little agreement. A woman is beaten up by her husband every time he drinks or I have half a dozen beers on a Friday night and get mellow. The wife beater and I could’ve consumed the same amount of grog but one wife hates binge drinking, the other is pleased about some quiet time for herself. Not wanting to sound like a wowser here but one way to slow down on excessive alcohol consumption is to restrict the hours one can consume. I have lived through the six o’clock swill, 10 pm closing, 12 pm closing to open all hours and some where between 6 o’clock swills of my youth and open all hours there is a balance- I would suggest it’s 12 pm closing. When I was a young player I would knock off work 5 ish on Fridays, be ready to play about six then drank, ate and tried to score for 4 odd hours. I went home mostly by myself and mostly happily inebriated but a long way from legless and the next morning I could function. Today the young knock off at 5 ish and have 12 hours to waste themselves, and they do, and you don’t hear from them until late in the wasted day. When people are intoxicated restraint is not normally present so if the bar is open they keep buying drinks until the bar is closed or someone in the hospitality industry remembers the rules about serving drunks. Look at the relevant state government licensing acts that are heavy on licensing/poker machine fees and light on social responsibilities. Could be cheaper than spending 50 plus million dollars telling young people what they don’t want to hear.

Recently a pit bull that was ‘loved by everyone’ attacked two women, one of whom is the dog owner’s 11 year old sister who presumably doesn’t love the dog anymore. The young girl is recovering from re constructive surgery to her leg. People are actually having a debate as to whether the tradie who dropped the dog with a nail gun did the right thing. Some are saying “Dogs don’t kill people,” “people who breed killer dogs kill people”. Well, working on the basis that we can’t arbitrarily or summarily execute dog owners, the only way to stop the problem is to shoot the dog. More;

“The tradesman should be investigated and charged with cruelty to animals. No animal deserves to die.”

and, more wierdly;

“Everyone is always quick to put the poor dog down, even when all it did was act on instinct and do what it thought was right.”

The fact that crocodiles eat people ‘on instinct‘ while ‘doing what they think is right‘ is no reason not to shoot the beast as it tries to eat a member of your family. I bet these people even get to vote and voted for the shiny thing in the next paddock – Rudd Flashback: A family gathering at a small farm in South West Australia. Uncle Sam’s cattle dog bites me, a five year old, on the leg in the corridor. Uncle Sam, with my father breathing down his neck, kills the dog on the spot. Yep, in the corridor of the farm house. A .22 cal round in the head with some care taken as to ensure the bullet doesn’t ricochet ended that dogs attempt to climb up the evolutionary chain. That’s what you do with dogs that attack people. Anything else is ignoring the relevant species’s master/servant relationship. The distraught owner says she wants another pit bull and this link has a pic of her crying over the dog’s body. Her sister will be pleased.

Labrador shoots its owner dead on hunting trip

AN overexcited dog has accidentally shot and killed its owner on a goose-hunting trip in Texas. Perry Price, 46, had just shot a goose and went back to his pick-up truck to let his dog out to go find it in the brush. He leaned over the bed of the truck and lay his shotgun down inside as he unhooked the tailgate, his hunting companion told investigators. “When the dog got to jumping around it went off,” deputy Nacheal Bonin of the Chambers County Sheriff’s Department said.

Labs have always been with us as trusty servants and doting friends. My platoon used them in Vietnam to track down communists and kill ’em, thus achieving a double victory – one less communist and one more Lefty/Dole bludging/hippie freak/moratorium marching/Ho CHi Minh loving loser upset. Now that’s what I call a hunting dog. Did it all on shitty dog biscuits and water although I recall on one Op, Dog Handler Arthur confessing to stealing some dog biscuits when we were short of rations. Did the dog complain…No! Just seemed to sit their saying; ‘Let me help you, please, can I, please” Hang on, I just remembered another bad Labrador moment when I caught my black Lab Chloe messing with the Easter Bunny some time back. Had to buy some easter eggs for the kids and hide them in the backyard myself – saved on dog biscuits though!